we have officially lost it.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
