I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
