by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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