i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
