I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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