I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
