I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
