Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
