I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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