Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
