she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
