Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
