so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
