I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
