Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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