there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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