i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
