Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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