Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
