We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
