i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
