I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
