you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
