On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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