I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
