I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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