all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
