just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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