You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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