ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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