i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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