it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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