just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Panties = found
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
