party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
