if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
