I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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