forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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