I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
