theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
