Already got asked if we're dating
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
