You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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