Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
