It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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