He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
