He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
