I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
