dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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