dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
