What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
