why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
