went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
two words...techno handjob
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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