i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
