they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
someone owes me an orgasm
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
