Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
my poor anus
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
