Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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