Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so that wasnt chicken after all
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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