Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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