in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I still have a little drunk in my system
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
