I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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