It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
