Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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