Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
