Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
