she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
