did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
