Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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