saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
they need to just BURY HIM!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
